I am conflicted. I was frying some onions but I ended up burning them. Hmm, a setback, to be sure. On the other hand, my undisputed superiority over the vegetable kingdom continues. I feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that as much as the members of this rotund, yet startlingly unapologetic, family make my eyes sting as I chop them, I can still burn them to cinders. Yeahhh, onions, make me cry now, bitch! Oh that's right, you can't. I just turned you into charcoal. Who's weeping now, you crunchy sulfurous bulbs?
Oh crap, they're gonna taste so bad.
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